


Around and Around

by Communist_jones



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Falling In Love, Gen, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Multi, Other, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:55:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25116490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Communist_jones/pseuds/Communist_jones
Summary: It was a bit of a circle with them, almost like a comedy really. Remus loved Sirius, Sirius loved James, and James loved Remus. It didn't feel like a comedy to them of course.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Remus Lupin/James Potter, Sirius Black/James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin/James Potter
Comments: 2
Kudos: 88





	1. Sirius

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this is gonna be my first non-oneshot work. I'm really new so I appreciate any sort of help I can get, as long as its constructive or positive. :) I've really wanted to read a story for a long time about a sort of love cycle thing between the marauders where sirius loves james, james loves remus, and remus loves sirius. I'm not really sure how long I'm planning to make this yet and if anyone has recommendation for what they think should happen i'd be open since I don't really have a plan for this story besides the main concept. There was another fic sort of like this that I really liked if anyone knows that one and would link it I would be super appreciative. Anyways thanks for reading :))

It was obvious that Sirius would love James. Honestly everyone sort of expected it. Maybe not consciously, but no one would have been surprised had it come out that the Sirius Black was in love with his partner in crime, James Potter. Ever since they met each other they had just clicked. They met on the train. Sirius had been sitting in a compartment by himself for the past hour, seeing as his parents had dropped him off at the earliest time possible with a,''Make our family proud son," and a nod of the head. It was only pureblood families that showed up this early to the train, so that they didn't have to accommodate the questioning of non-magic parents. And so Sirius had been sitting in his compartment watching other families through the window. He watched the platform get more and more crowded as the time to leave slowly became closer. Sirius was excited, he had been tired of his stuffy parents for a while. They had been staying home a lot lately and so Sirius hadn't gotten to go to dinner parties at other pureblood families' houses where the adults would swiftly send the kids off to play in another room. And when Sirius had gotten to go to these parties once in a blue mood his parents would refuse to let him play with the younger kids, instead insisting he stay with the boring adults as they talking boring politics. To say Sirius was excited for Hogwarts was underselling it. He had spent the past month giving Regulus speeches about how he would rule the castle, Regulus had mostly ignored him. 

About five minutes until the train took off Sirius heard his compartment open. He looked at the door to see another ruffled eleven year old. The boy had jet black hair that stuck up in each direction and glasses that were practically falling off the end of his nose. He put on a goofy grin despite being out of breath from trying to get on the train on time. 

"Hello mate! I'm James Potter, do you think I could sit here with you?" Sirius smiled he liked this boy already. 

"Of course! but you better not stink up the place with all that sweat Potter, what you been doing? running a marathon," shit thought Sirius, what if he gets offended? Not everyone was used to Sirius' sarcastic humor. To Sirius' relief James cracked up at his joke. Sirius smiled.

"I'll have you know I'd smell like roses even after running two marathons!" And from there well the rest was history. They had spent the whole train ride joking with eachother and telling their plans for Hogwarts. Sirius carefully kept his last name and his family out of the conversation. His mother had told him about the Potters, filthy blood traitors. But well Sirius just wanted a friend and his mother tended to drone on and on on just about everything. She had once told him that sugar quills were a disgusting abomination of what should be a fine wizards tool and that the fact that they exist was a sign of the infiltration of the mudbloods trying to trample their traditions. Sirius of course had sneakily bought one to see if this was true and had found that he rather liked sugar quills and didn't know what all the fuss was about. He didn't tell his mother this of course. But well maybe his mother was wrong about the Potters too or maybe at least this Potter boy. 

When they got to the castle Sirius found himself becoming distraught. There was no way that James Potter would be sorted into Slytherin. James Potter was the least Slytherin person he had ever met. He wanted to be in the same house as James, but he was getting sorted into Slytherin. That wasn't fair. Why did Hogwarts have to be sorted into stupid houses anyway. Why couldn't all the boys just sleep together in the same dorm? James was too busy rambling on to realize his compartment partner's dilemma. 

And then Sirius got sorted into Gryfinndor, at first he was ecstatic, James had said earlier on the train that he would for sure get sorted into Gryfinndor, but the joy was shortly followed by horror. What would his mother say? Somehow when James sat next to him with a beaming grin that looked like it was made of pure sunshine, Sirius didn't care what his mother would think. 

He had gotten a rather nasty howler the next day where his mother screamed about how she couldn't believe her very own son was a blood traitor. James had gave him a rather pitying look that Sirius ignored. 

Sirius shared a dorm with James, but also with two other boys. Peter Pettigrew, a rather mousy boy who had immediately attached himself to James and who James had also welcomed with open arms, Sirius tried to ignore how non-special this made him feel, perhaps he and James hadn't clicked after all, James was just that good. But Peter didn't joke with James like Sirius did, he didn't make James laugh until he was crying tears of joy like Sirius did, he didn't have James asking him how he'd gotten his hair to look that good like Sirius did. Sirius comforted himself with these thoughts and allowed Pettigrew to tag along with only a small bit of irritation. But their was also another boy in their dorm, Remus Lupin. Lupin was an interesting character, he was scrawny with think curly blonde hair that fell into his eyes and he was covered in thick pink scars. He was also quiet. Lupin seemed like he didn't want anyone to notice him, like he didn't want friends, it was a sharp contrast to Sirius who seemed to want everyone's attention anywhere he went. This didn't seem to deter James though. James seemed utterly fascinated with Remus Lupin. He would always sit next to Lupin in the great hall and in every single class. At first Lupin seemed to simply not notice this or if he did he just ignored it. Usually his face was in a book or he was paying full attention to the teacher. But then James starting talking to him, Lupin started to talk to James more and more and soon Lupin was voluntarily sitting down next to James in the Great Hall instead of James having to move to sit next to him. Sirius certainly liked Lupin. He was funny in a more quiet and dry way and he would always let them copy homework. Not to mention he was wicked smart. But still it was disheartening to see James so wrapped up in someone else. But Sirius tolerated it because even if Lupin was on one side of James, Sirius was always on the other. 

But the longer Sirius knew Lupin the more mysterious he became. Sirius noticed that the boy would just disappear for a couple days at a time. Always a new excuse, usually something about being ill. Sirius found it very suspicious and he told James as much. James had agreed with him it was weird, but James wanted to respect Lupin's privacy, telling him that whatever it is he'll tell us when he's ready. Sirius doubted that Lupin would tell James anything, the boy was as secretive as they come. He wasn't even sure he'd ever seen Lupin in short sleeves. Lupin also never talked about himself always deflecting to another person or topic. 

One night Sirius and James had snuck out of the dorm on a cold January night. It was something they did a lot, sneak out of the dorm. Lupin couldn't come that night because of a flu bug he had caught and once again Sirius was annoyed with all the secret keeping. As Sirius followed James snow crunching on the ground he couldn't help but be glad it was only him and James. (Peter hadn't wanted to sneak out for fear of getting caught). Sirius grabbed some snow off the ground and quickly lobbed it at James. It hit right in the back of his head and James shrieked turning around with a grin. 

"You bugger! Don't think I won't get you, you little wench!" James started chasing after Sirius and the boy started running away with a cackle. James chased him all around until finally he caught up and tackled Sirius. They rolled in the snow a bit before James managed to shove snow down Sirius' shirt. Sirius screamed and pushed James off. He laughed and laid back in the snow. Sirius grumbled and picked snow out from underneath his clothes. 

"The moon's really pretty tonight," James said looking up with a soft look at the moon. Sirius looked at James, it wasn't often the other boy stopped going a mile a minute to appreciate something. James was lying there with his cheeks and nose a bright red. Glasses perpetually about to fall off his nose and melted snow sticking a couple strands of hair to his forehead. 

"Yeah it is," Suddenly Sirius got a rather sick feeling in his stomach and felt guilty for being happy about Remus' absence. 


	2. James

It was in February of their first year when James found out that Remus was a werewolf. He remembered it vividly, Sirius had been the one to figure it out actually which was a bit annoying considering that James thought of himself as the Remus expert of the group. Remus had disappeared, ill again, James was a bit worried about the poor boy. He was always getting sick. Maybe he had an immune system problem, James wondered offhandedly whether or not magic had a way to help with that, maybe he'd research it more or maybe ask McGonagall. No, if magic could help then wouldn't it had already been fixed. Maybe the solution to Remus' immune system cost too much money, Remus' family was fairly poor after all. It would all depend on what exactly was wrong with his immune system to get him sick all the time. James' thoughts were cut short by the curtains on his bed being pulled back and a nervous looking Sirius taking a seat on his bed. Sirius quickly looked around the room, making sure Peter was asleep before turning to James. 

"James I think I know why Remus has to leave all the time," James blinked.

...

"Well don't keep me in suspense Sirius," Sirius looked off to the side.

"Well um last month when we were outside and Remus couldn't come it was a full moon right?" Sirius didn't wait for James to answer and instead carried on, "Well I waited till this month to be sure you know, tonight's a full moon again and Remus isn't here" James blanched.

"What you think Remus is a werewolf?"

"It makes sense! What eleven year old has scars like that!"

"Probably from some childhood accident!"

"What like getting put through a meat grinder!" Sirius huffed and took a deep breath through his nose. "Look lets just wait until the next full moon and if he's gone again we'll ask him okay, three times is a pattern." 

"It wouldn't matter you know, if he was a werewolf," Sirius looked down at the ground and paused a bit.

"No of course not,"

"It wouldn't Sirius!"

"It would James, that's not just something we can ignore, he turns into a monster" Sirius said this all calmly, James however was not calm. 

"HE'S NOT A MONSTER"

"I never said he was, he just turns into one,"

"Listen Sirius I know that you were raised a certain way but if you can't accept Remus then I wouldn't want to be friends with you!"

"Of course I can accept it James! but you can't expect things not to change!" 

"We can't tell anyone,"

"Of course not James what do you think I'm an idiot," James simply laid back down onto his pillow and turned his back towards Sirius. James laid in bed just thinking. It did make sense. Remus being a werewolf. It explained everything. The disappearances, the scars old and new, the loner attitude. How could he have not seen it before? James was starting to feel as though he didn't even really know Remus. Which was ridiculous of course, he'd only known Remus for about six months one couldn't be expected to know everything about someone in that time. However James did want to know Remus, he wanted to know him inside and out. The boy was so mysterious and every layer peeled back was new and exciting. James couldn't wait until he had pulled back every single layer and really knew him. James wasn't exactly sure when this fascination started but it had started when about a week into their stay at Hogwarts James had gotten up in the early morning to get ready before anyone else and Remus had accidentally left his curtains open. 

Remus had been laying there asleep. His hair was a curly golden mess around him and his eyelashes were long over his scarred cheeks. James loved the scars they were so unique and added just the right touch. Sunlight from the window brushed over about half of his face and James smiled, he looked cute sleeping. 

March came and James held his breath waiting to see if Remus would indeed be gone on the full moon again. He was. On the morning full moon in the last week of March they woke to Remus gone from his bed. A small note on the bedside table saying that he had a fever and wouldn't be able to attend classes today. Sirius looked unsurprised. James put the note in the trash and turned to his room mates. Peter who had been biting his lips nervously spoke up.

"So does that mean that Remus really is a werewolf," They looked over at Peter in surprise. James ran a hand through his hair.

"You were awake?"

"You guys weren't exactly quiet," James didn't have anything to say to that. They went the rest of the day in sort of a daze, shocked as if they didn't expect it to actually be true. That night James couldn't sleep at all instead looking at the stupid full moon. It had to hurt to turn into a werewolf. All those bones growing and changing. James hated the idea of Remus in pain. 

The next day Remus was gone again, recovering. James spent all of his freetime in the library reading about werewolves. When it was lights out he waited for Sirius and Peter to fall asleep and then went back to the library, as he'd already read through the books that he'd brought with him to the dorm. No one was in the library at night and James found it easy to stop worrying about getting caught when hours had passed with no one so much as even passing the library. In fact he started to doze off, that's why he didn't notice when McGongall had silently entered the library at the sight of a light coming from behind the shelves. 

"Mr. Potter," James jumped about a foot in the air. and looked up at McGongall from his place at the table. He quickly dried the drool off the book he had fallen asleep on and started rambling.

"Ah Hello Professor, just doing some extra studying for herbology lost track of time, sorry about that, I'll just be off to bed now if you'll excuse me." James started shutting and stacking up books from around him. 

"Herbology hmm, I didn't realize that werewolves were greenery," 

"uhhhh" James wasn't sure if McGongall knew about Remus or not. McGongall was by far James' favourite teacher but what would she really do if she didn't know about Remus and found out about it?

"Have a seat Mr. Potter," James sunk back down. "I assume you have suspicions about Mr. Lupin, yes?'' James simply nodded. McGongall sighed and looked at James in the face until he looked back at her. 

"James you understand that it is extremely important for you to keep Mr. Lupin's secret, correct?" James nodded. "Dumbledore and I worked very hard to get Remus to be able to go to Hogwarts but that could change should this get out, not all people are as accepting as they should be." There was a pause. 

"How did he become a werewolf?" McGongall frowned. 

"That's not my place to tell, but I will say that he was very young when it happened." James' lip quivered and he suddenly felt much too young to be at Hogwarts. 

"I don't want him to be in pain," James looked down and took deep breaths to get rid of the tears threatening to quell up. McGongall didn't say anything.


	3. Remus

Remus never thought he'd have friends at Hogwarts. Of course he had thought about it, fantasized really. But he tried not to get his hopes up. It was under special circumstances that he was even here in the first place. They said that they'd keep his lyncrothopy a secret. But Remus couldn't help but feeling like everyone was seeing through the facade from the moment he stepped foot in the castle. He felt as though everyone knew and was simply playing a big joke on him. Having him come to Hogwarts only to one day get told that it had all been one big practical joke and that it was ridiculous to believe that a werewolf could have a Hogwarts student. Remus knew that if anyone ever found out about him, he would get shipped back home with no wizarding education and no wand. 

At first Remus tried to ignore James and Sirius, but he was weak. He was so lonely. And James and Sirius and Peter were just there. With their jokes and their easygoing attitude. They included him as though he really were part of their group. Remus didn't realize how much he had wanted that. To belong. He felt like he belonged with them. It didn't seem like he should belong with them of course. They were smart (Peter less so), handsome, funny, charismatic, the opposite of Remus. Hell Sirius was a pure blood, and so so good-looking. Yet somehow they managed to make Remus feel utterly at home with them. Suddenly the fact that he was a werewolf wasn't relevant, they didn't know about it. For the first time Remus got to hang out with people who didn't look at him with disgust or pity. 

That didn't stop Remus from being extremely paranoid of course. He had a list of excuses that he had made up just in case, so he didn't have to make one up on the spot. he carefully hit the scars that looked more like bite marks than scratches. If they found out it would all be over. Sirius would realize he was too good for Remus, Remus was a creature, dirty. James would follow. 

He had just gotten back from the hospital wing when they cornered him. There were fresh bandages on his back and legs hidden under layers of clothes. He walked into the door exhausted. All he wanted to do was sleep for the whole day. Remus flopped on his bed with a huff. He heard his dormmates shuffling around but didn't pay them any mind. Eyes closed, Remus had just been about to doze off when he heard James' voice.

"Uh Remus we were wondering if we could maybe talk?" Oh no. They knew didn't they. Remus shot up, fully awake. Sirius and James stood in front of him. James was worrying his lip and Sirius was standing stock still, Peter was behind them fidgeting. Remus felt his whole body go simultaneously hot and cold at the same time, his stomach felt like a pit and there was a lump of coal in his throat. Remus didn't say anything. James seemed to take a deep breath before looking into Remus' eyes closely.

"Remus are-are you a werewolf," and with those words the floodgates opened. Remus sniffed, globby tears falling quickly down his cheeks. It was all over, he was going to be shipped off. He'd never be a wizard, he'd never do magic again. It seemed cruel to give Remus just a taste of what could be and then snatch it away just like that. The whole universe seemed to be laughing at him, at his idiocy. 

"Oh Remus," James said his face full of pity, Remus hated that look. James pulled Remus into a hug. It felt good but Remus knew it was simply a goodbye, James was just that good of a person. Remus wanted a hug from Sirius but of course he would never ask for one. "Remus it's okay we won't tell anyone," Remus pulled away. 

"What?" They wouldn't tell anyone? 

"Remus you're still our friend, turning into a dog doesn't change that," That was Sirius. Remus looked in shock. 

"I don't think you understand, I'm-i'm a monster," James looked like he wanted to hug him again but the boy resisted. Sirius frowned and put a hand on Remus' shoulder. Electricity seemed to shoot through Remus' whole body at the touch. 

"Remus you are just about the least threatening person I know, honestly I wouldn't be surprised if you just turned into a little puppy," Remus blinked, he didn't know what to say to that. James pulled him into another hug knocking Sirius' hand away, Remus mourned the loss. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know these chapters are super short but there's certain parts I want to write from certain people's perspective soooo.


	4. Sirius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily Evans ;)

In their fourth year James decided he like Lily Evans. It happened around Halloween. Everyone around them had been asking people out to the halloween dance. It wasn't really an official dance so much as something a couple of 7th year hufflepuffs decided to throw together to celebrate. Wizards had only just started celebrating the muggle holiday of halloween so the school didn't really have any traditions for it yet. Sirius had sent his mother a rather condescending letter asking what he should dress up as and had promptly gotten a howler back that Remus disintegrated before it could say anything. He'd taken to sending his mother very sarcastic letters recently as a way to defy her. He was almost sad that Remus didn't allow her to respond but he appreciated the thought. 

Frank Longbottom had finally asked Alice, as they'd all been waiting for him to do for ages. However Sirius understood Frank's struggle, people constantly asking who he was going to the ball with was grinding his last gear. He had gotten asked by three girls already and had to say no to all of them while consoling them and telling them how beautiful they were. Sirius didn't plan to go with any girl, he planned to just go stag with James seeing as he hadn't asked anyone either. But that changed.

One day they were sitting in Transfiguration and suddenly James piped up. "I think I'll ask a girl out to the dance," Sirius could see James sneaking looks at Remus trying to gage his reaction. Remus didn't even look up. 

"Oh yeah? Which one?," Remus asked lazily trying to turn his flower into a muggle inkpen, he'd already turned it into a quill like assigned. 

"I don't really know, any suggestions?" Was James seriously getting Remus' permission on which girl to ask? Whatever. Why did James even want to ask a girl out at all. He didn't even have a specific one he wanted to ask. Isn't the whole point of asking someone supposed to be because you like them? Would James start dating the girl he'd ask. Sirius was too wrapped up in these thoughts to respond.

"Lily is nice, she'd be good for you," What Lily wouldn't be good for James. They were completely different, Lily was more suited to Remus' interests, Lily was just Remus with more fire and boobs. 

"Lily Evans?" Sirius asked despite knowing their was only one Lily in their year. 

"Yeah, I did a project with her in Arithmancy," Remus was the only one of them taking arithmancy. 

"Are you guys friends?" Sirius asked out of curiousity.

"Well we've hung out a couple times, she's very good at Arithmancy and potions, my worst subjects, her muggle background apparently helps a lot," James shrugged.

"Sure why not, I'll ask her," Sirius felt like his blood was boiling. Why did he care so much about who James took to the goddamn dance? It's not like it mattered to him. Accept it did, Sirius wanted to go with James. Sirius scoffed at that, visualizing a comedic image in his head of him and James dancing. Only it wasn't funny anymore when dream James stepped on his toes and laughed in embarrassment, flushing pink. Sirius looked at James, the strong jawline forming, the eyes that seemed to have hundreds of different shades of green and brown. Sirius looked away quickly. What he didn't like James, did he? Sirius tried to image James coming up to him and asking him to the dance as his date. Would he say yes? Of course Sirius would say yes. What would Sirius' mother say if she found out that Sirius had taken a boy to the dance, a blood traitor at that. He smiled, he'd make sure Remus didn't destroy the howler he'd get, he wanted to hear just how offended she'd be. Maybe she'd even slap him across the face like she had when he had come back after being sorted into Gryffindor. 

James would never ask him though. Even if Sirius asked him James would say no. James was taking a girl, he was taking Lily goddamn Evans. Sirius looked over, Remus and James were still discussing the upsides and downsides of asking Lily Evans to the ball. Whatever Sirius was glad that he had missed it. 

"What about you Remus?" Sirius asked. Remus' eyes widened.

"What?"

"You gonna take anyone to the halloween dance, woo them with your beastly charm," Remus did a half smile.

"Oh yeah I'll get right on that," Remus rolled his eyes. "No I'm not going to ask anyone."

"What," James whined. "Who wouldn't want to go with you and your delectable body!" James wiggled his eyebrows and ruffled Remus' hair. Remus rolled his eyes yet again. Sirius' blood was boiling again.


	5. James

James hadn't really prepared what he was going to say to Evans when he asked her out. He only had about a week left till the dance when he finally found a chance to ask her. Just about all of hogwarts was outside enjoying the last bit of autumn warmth. James and his dormmates were lazily sitting underneath a large tree with dead brown and red leaves covering the ground. Remus was as usual studying, James didn't think that Remus really needed to study, the curly headed boy could easily get by without putting much effort in but Remus always studied till there were purple bags under his eyes. James would find it a bit endearing if it didn't make him fret so much over Remus' obvious sleep deprivation. James had wondered before if Remus thought that he had something to prove. Sirius was simply laying on his back eyes closed and breathing in the crisp scent of dead leaves and maple. Peter was also trying to do his homework. He was trying to write a history of magic essay however it didn't seem to be going well. Peter looked so frustrated that James was sure he was holding back tears. Sometimes James felt bad for Peter, everyone seemed to think that Peter was just an idiot and maybe he was but he was also nice and really cared about what you told him. James is pretty sure that if someone quizzed them on how much they knew about each other Peter would win, except on the Remus questions, James would win those. But it wasn't like James could do anything about how dumb Peter was, they helped him study every year for exams and Peter still failed half of them. 

James himself was trying to find some way to stave off his boredom. God he was bored. He looked around the courtyard for something to do. Just groups of students doing whatever, boring. He looked down at Sirius trying to decide if the boy was asleep or not. Honestly he couldn't tell, Sirius seemed to be so unreadable all the time he couldn't even tell if the boy was actually sleeping or not. James looked over at Remus and noted with amusement that one particular curl was sticking more straight up than the rest, giving him a cute little cowlick on the back of his head. James smirked and grabbed it pulling. Remus grunted in discomfort.

"Hey now, watch yourself Potter I could hex those fingers right off," James grinned. 

"Maybe if your hair wasn't sticking straight up you wouldn't have to worry about it, now would you?" James pulled on the strand again. Sirius squinted an eye open.

"Your one to talk!" Remus huffed, flattening down his hair a bit, "I don't think your mop has seen a comb in years!" James pulled away with a theatrical offended look.

"I cannot believe you would say such a thing blondie!" James remarked haughtily, "Women swoon for this hair I'll have you know!" Remus rolled his eyes. Sirius absentmindedly ran his hands through James' hair trying with no luck to tame it.

"I don't know man, I think they just overlook it for the herbology answers," James batted the hands away. "Did that girl say no to the dance yet?" Sirius asked offhandedly.

"I haven't asked her yet," James wrinkled his nose looking around the courtyard for red hair.

"She's probably already got a date, poor Jamie missed his chance," Sirius wiped away a fake tear. James finally spotted her, luckily she wasn't in a large group, the only person she was with was some greasy headed boy with a big nose. 

"Wish me luck boys," James straightened his tie a bit before making the trek over to one Lily Evans. She was pretty. Long silky red hair that she parted down the middle, completely straight except one curl by her eye that just barely twisted. Freckles spotted a short upturned nose and wide lips. James took a deep breath, he was kind of nervous. He stepped right up to where Lily was sitting on a bench. She looked up questioningly.

"Hi, uh right so," He started, wow smooth Potter, "I was thinking that maybe you'd want to go to the halloween dance with me yeah?" James looked off to the side a slight flush on his cheeks. Lily smiled a little bit guiltily. 

"Um sorry but I'm already going with Severus," This made James look back at her with big sad eyes, Lily gestured to the big nosed boy next to her who was looking down a bit sheepishly. Humiliation burned hard in James' stomach, was he really so awful that this girl would choose someone who had a grease bucket of a head over him. James knew he shouldn't have said it but his temper outran his brain by miles. 

"I guess if your into ugly trolls that's fine," Lily's smile dropped immediately. The greasy boy seemed to look down even further if that was possible. James crossed his arms. 

"You can't talk about him like that," Lily seemed to have smoke coming from her nostrils. She was standing now fists clenched hard. 

"It's the truth, pretty girl like you should have better standards," James turned up his chin. 

"Whatever asshole," with that Lily stomped off, the greasy boy fleeing with her. James wanted to throw something, why would she choose some ugly boy over him? Was he uglier than that ugly boy. Was Sirius right about the hair? No whatever she'd say yes eventually. 


	6. Remus

Apparently James had got it into his head that Lily had to be wooed. Stupid notion if Remus was concerned. Although what did he know its not like he thought he was ever getting romantically involved with someone any time soon. James had been in a mood for a whole week after Evans rejected him. They all ended up going to the halloween dance alone and decided to spike the punch instead of attempting any more romantic encounters. They'd had only gotten detention for a week so it was a win in Remus' book. Since they were all guilty they ended up in detention together, an oversight of McGonagall's. Every day the week after the halloween dance they drug themselves to the fifth classroom down on the fourth floor to see what ridiculous task their head of house would put them up to this time. 

On the Wednesday of their detention though they ended up doubling said detention time, much to Remus' dismay. They had been handed about 36 jars of herbs and been told to grind all of them down into pastes and put them back in the correct jars without any mixing, without magic of course. And so there they all were grinding up stupid purple plants when Sirius got bored. Sirius being bored was never a good thing. However it happened quite often. Remus found it charming. The boy's inability to sit still was all a part of what made him perfect. And what made Remus so not perfect for him. Sirius already seemed bored with Remus most of the time in Remus' mind. It seemed like he kept wanting Remus to go faster, do more, try everything. Which is why Remus lived for the moments when he would make an offhand witty remark that Sirius hadn't seen coming. The way Sirius would turn his head to look at Remus with a bright grin on his face when he had made just the right sarcastic comment made Remus' stomach tie itself up in boy scout level knots. 

Sirius had abandoned his grinder to walk around the room and prod at things on the shelves and desks. Remus watched him out of the corner of his eye. Its not like grinding took much concentration anyway. Remus watched Sirius flit around the room with that floating elegance he always seemed to have. Sirius looked over at him and Remus quickly averted his eyes hoping to the god above that he wasn't flushed. 

"Oi Sirius how bout you stop wanderin around and come grind your shit," James said, he was still in his mood from being rejected. Remus wondered if it was the first time James had ever been rejected anything in his life. Remus wondered what it was like not to simply expect rejection at every turn.

"Ah don't be like that Jamie, you know she doesn't really expect us to finish all this in a couple of hours," James seemed to puff up at that like spiked porcupine. Sirius walked up behind James putting his arms on the back of the boy's chair and leaning forward with his chin on James' shoulder. "You shouldn't worry about that Evans chick, obviously she's into anti-social losers," Just as quickly as James seemed to have puffed up, he completely deflated sighing. 

"I don't know, its just, is that greaseball slytherin really better than me?" James seemed like he was really questioning himself. Remus spoke up now.

"Its probably just because they've been friends for a while James, don't worry about it too much, maybe she only likes boys she's talked to a lot and is friends with." James didn't say anything. But Remus thought that he'd made his friend feel a little better at least. 

"Yeah chin up Jamie, now lets see how good Peter is at extinguishing charms." Remus did notice that sometimes Sirius could be needlessly cruel. Sometimes Remus wondered about it. Was it a symptom of being raised in a cold calculating environment? Or did that sort of thing just happen every now and then with people who constantly needed some excitement. It made whatever small idea Remus might've had of confessing that, he rather liked Sirius and wouldn't mind kissing him or living in a small cottage with him for the rest of their lives, completely vanish. Remus didn't think that Sirius would be very kind if he turned down his feelings.

Grinning Sirius quickly shot a fireball at Peter's robe. Peter screamed in horror and Remus let it burn for about five seconds before quickly extinguishing it. However apparently that was about a second too long because the books and paper that had been sitting on Peter's desk quickly went up in flames.

"Oopsie," Everyone was now standing up attempting to cast extinguishing charms. However Peter's had accidentally backfired leading the fire to double in size. Shit shit shit Remus thought. This was very not good. Remus tried to remember some spell any spell that could help them. McGonagall had beat him to the draw though. The professor burst through the door and quickly waved her wand with a couple latin words to make it start raining heavily in the room. As soon as the fire was extinguished McGonagall turned a murderous look at the four soaked boys. She then spent the next 37 minutes (Sirius had timed) berating them and their irresponsibility. And that was how Remus ended up with another week of detention by no fault of his own. However he couldn't bring himself to mind. 


	7. Sirius

Sirius was so angry. It was the summer before fifth year and he had been at home for a total of three weeks and things had already gone to shit. He and his mother had never been on good terms since he started going to Hogwarts and the tension between them only seemed to be getting tighter and tighter each year. He should have know that the cord was bound to snap soon. He was at his wits end with the wretched bitch. All she did was criticize him and everything he did. It was constant. The moment he came home he was berated and told what a disappointment he was for being in Gryffindor, then everyday it was something new, the muggle products he used in his hair, the cigarettes, his grades, the way his room looked, the way he stood, how he always stayed in his room. He of course snapped back at her for each insult she threw at him but he did try never to go to far, knowing that his mother could be extremely cruel if given the chance. Sirius had almost called her a bitch to her face when he realized she had been intercepting his owls. 

It all came to a head though when the whole family was sitting at the table eating dinner. His mother had insisted on it Sirius' whole life. Sirius was sort of reminded of one of those muggle shows where the mother cooked and the whole family laughed around the table with warm yellow electric lights everywhere. Sirius' family dinners were not in the least like that however. The house elves always cooked some ancient pureblood dish that muggle families wouldn't be able to fathom and everyone was always quiet and tense at the dinners. Not to mention Sirius' father downing thick red wine like it was water. Sirius didn't even know why he still bothered going to them. Maybe to avoid the yelling for at least a little bit. 

"Regulus I saw you got an owl yesterday, things going well with those well-mannered friends of yours?" Mrs. Black said, Sirius didn't correct her on her 'well-mannered' comment, Lucius Malfoy was one of the biggest prats he'd ever met. 

"Yes things are going fine," Regulus didn't even look at her. Sirius didn't know why he was so scared of her. Regulus was the one she liked. 

"Things are going well for James too, he just got a new riding broom," Sirius spoke up. Mrs. Black's smile turned to a scowl.

"I don't want to hear about that blood traitor, you won't mention him in my house again Sirius," 

"Why not! He's well-mannered!" Sometimes Sirius wondered why his mouth just went off without his input but it certainly did. 

"Listen to me you insolent brat, that boy is no good to you or our family!" God Sirius hated when she went off like that. "That family supports mudbloods and half-breeds like they aren't abominations and I don't want you associating with them or anyone like them! Not that that's every stopped you ungrateful traitor!" Sirius was about to lose it. "I think it's about time I took away your owl privileges you'd think you two were lovers with how many letters you exchange!" Sirius heart dropped. A whole summer without any contact with James? or Remus? or Peter? or Marlene? He felt like blood was pounding through his veins a mile a minute. There was already nothing to do in this giant heap without his owl being taken away. Once again his mouth spoke without his permission. 

"Maybe we are lovers! Did you know he karked me on your bed one time!" That wasn't even true what was he saying. Mrs. Black stood up in a second. 

"Crucio!" A red bolt of energy flew out of her wand and Sirius crumpled in agony. He didn't know she was capable of that. Regulus was in shock and looked as though his puppy got killed right in front of him. For a second Sirius was frozen. Then he looked up from where he was on the floor. 

"I fucking hate you! You know that!" Sirius fled the room, he had to work fast. Sirius stomped into his room and picked up the trunk he had packed for Hogwarts, it was always packed and ready to go. Even his clothes, his mother insisted he wear traditional robes in there home so there was no reason to unpack the t-shirts and leather jackets. He grabbed the owl cage and stomped his way down the stairs and out the door. He could hear his mother screeching from outside. 

"GET BACK HERE YOU DIRTY BLOOD TRAITOR!" Sirius starting running to get away from the voice. Running as fast as the trunk could drag along behind him. Tears clouded his vision. He couldn't believe she did that. He always knew she fucking hated him but an unforgiveable? God. Sirius eventually slowed down but he was far away from home by then. He was walking the muggle streets. It was hot, and the damp air seemed to soak right through his skin and into his soul. Everything felt hot, too much. Sirius took random turns and eventually found some little muggle playground. He'd never been on one before. He sat down on one of the swings and took out a cigarette. The awful taste of smoke filled his lungs but it calmed him down. Where was he going to go? Was that even a question, there was only one place to go, James'.


	8. James

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> its short but oh well, all these chapters are radically different lengths anyway.

James had been having a pretty good summer. Sirius was sending him letters by the dozens and he was keeping in good touch with Remus and Peter. He'd mostly been spending his time practicing quidditch and trying to get the muggle telephone he found to work. Remus had told him there was no way it would work without a landline hooked up but it didn't seem that complicated. He had even been trying to get his mother to teach him how to cook. However she always quickly got frustrated since he tended to not listen too closely to her instructions. There had been quite a few times of adding too much of this or that which threw off the balance and suddenly the cake was completely flat. But eh what could he do. This night was a quiet one. He was currently in his room trying to fall asleep. He tended to go to sleep really early in the summers since there was nothing to keep him up. However he was interrupted by his mother yelling his name from halfway across the large house. 

"James! Get down here NOW!" James groggily swung his legs out of bed and smashed his glasses onto his nose grumbling. 

"What do you want Mum!" He walked down the stairs, stomping just a little but not enough for his mother to notice. However he was surprised to see Sirius black standing in the front hallway with a trunk and owl cage in hand. The boys' eyes were a bit puffy but only if you looked hard at them. 

"Oh, uh Sirius what brings you here at this fine hour mate?" Sirius did a little half smile at that. 

"I uh got into a fight with my mother, the old wench," James nodded. He figured there was a bit more to the story than that but he doubted Sirius wanted James' mom to know the specifics. 

"Well come on then, lets go change you out of those stuffy robes." James had only seen Sirius in actual robes a couple times in their first year, he hated them. Sirius seemed relieved that James hadn't questioned him and he followed the boy to the stairs. Sirius tried to pull the trunk up the stairs but it was hard to do with and owl cage in his other hand. 

"Oh!" James said and quickly went to pick up the back of the trunk so they could get it up the stairs. James offhandedly wondered if Sirius would be staying the whole summer. He hoped so. I mean he felt bad that the boy had had a fight with his mom but he couldn't help being selfishly happy that he got to have a friend over all summer. Summers could be boring compared to the adventure filled schoolyear. 

They finally got the trunk into James' room and pushed into the corner. Sirius pulled out the sweatpants and t-shirt he had wore to bed at hogwarts and slipped it on. 

"Well, I was going to bed, but we can stay up if you'd like," Sirius smirked at that. 

"Bed James, at nine?" James' face burned a bit at that. 

"Shut up I'll make you sleep on the floor," Sirius laid down on the bed and pulled the covers up to his chin.

"I suppose I could do with a little more beauty sleep than normal," James rolled his eyes and climbed into bed next to Sirius. They were quiet for a bit. Before James spoke quietly.

"How bad was the fight?" Sirius turned to look at James, they were inches from eachother. Soft moonlight drifted into the room over Sirius' face, his nose was beginning to turn sharp just like his fathers'. Sirius looked into James' eyes and then away.

"She-She cast a curse at me," James put his hand on Sirius' shoulder and the boy melted into it. Sirius' voice was shaky, but he wasn't crying. "S-she's never done that before," Sirius looked back into James' eyes. "Do-do you think she still loves me?" Shit, James was not prepared for this. He had no idea what to say. 

"I- I don't know man, you can stay here for as long as you want okay?" It didn't feel like enough. Shit James! I don't know! That's not comforting at all! James immediately regretted what he said as soon as he said it but Sirius nodded to himself like it was okay. James was still regretting all his life's choices and thinking about how he could make Sirius feel better when he was broken out of his thoughts by Sirius shuffling closer and hiding his face in James' neck. James froze for just a second before wrapping his arms around the boy. Sirius sniffed a little but he didn't start sobbing. James didn't every feel his shoulder get even a little bit wet. Eventually Sirius drifted off to sleep but for some reason James couldn't. What was he gonna do about Sirius. He hated seeing him upset. Stupid bitch mother of his. 


	9. Remus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know that technically becoming an animagus takes years in the harry potter universe but I don't really care, I don't want them to have to start in first year to get to the point where they can turn into animals with Remus

Sirius had spent the whole summer at James' house much to Remus' surprise. Although he supposed it was coming, Sirius' family had never approved of anything he did and the ball was going to drop sooner or later. Remus was glad that Sirius had found James before all of that pureblood stuff was ingrained, or who knows maybe Sirius would have been a rebel no matter what, maybe that's just who he was. Remus could see a difference in Sirius, he seemed to become even louder, brasher, and even meaner. He was still the same Sirius of course, he was still observant, loyal, and protective, but there was certainly a new shade to him. Remus thought that maybe that happened when someone was hurt, they gained all new shades of bruises on their soul. Or maybe that was too complicated. 

As fifth year dragged on Remus couldn't help but feel like a burden. The full moon was getting much worse on his body and mood. He wasn't sure why exactly, maybe it had something to do with the way his body was changing or maybe the way things were going right now with the war right on the horizon. All he knew for sure was that every full moon he would scratch himself even more than usual, and his energy would be sapped for a week before and after the full moon. He spent pretty much all of his free time sleeping. He could tell that his mates were worried about him but he couldn't be bothered to put on a charade. Remus was just so tired all the time. He was getting more scars too. 

Every time he saw James biting his lip as Remus fell into bed as soon as classes over a bit of guilt welled up in Remus' stomach. Why was he making them so worried. Just get up stupid werewolf and laugh with them. But Remus didn't want to. He wanted to sleep. More uncomfortable than James worry though was Sirius' scrutinizing. Every time Remus came back from the hospital wing Sirius would size him up and try and figure out just exactly what happened. The hard grey gaze made Remus uncomfortable yet also so very seen, if only Sirius could see him in a good way. 

Every time Remus thought about his feelings for Sirius yet another ball of guilt would roll up in his stomach. Sirius saw him as just a friend, it was wrong for Remus to savor every touch and look Sirius threw his way. Not to mention Remus was a werewolf. Imagine if Sirius knew a werewolf liked him. The boy already rejected half the girls in the school and they were beautiful, and pretty, and smart. What right did Remus have?

When November rolled around James finally snapped. Remus had hardly done any of his own homework and had slept for 12 hours each day for the last week. On friday, four days before the full moon they had all just walked into the door to drop off all their books and change into more comfortable clothes. As usual Remus barely kicked off his shoes and dropped his books before falling into bed. Sirius, James, and Peter gave each other a look. James cautiously approached the skinny boy lying face down on the mattress. James sat down on the bed and ran his hands through Remus' hair, his forehead was damp with cold sweat. 

"Remus mate, are you okay?" Remus didn't look up but he turned his head so that his mouth wasn't covered and said,

"James, I'm fine, I've just been tired lately,"

"Remus, I don't think that this is a fluke you're sick all the time. James ran his hair back through Remus' hair and down his neck to rub it a little. 

"James it really isn't your problem, okay," Remus said trying not to sound too snapish. Apparently Sirius was having none of it though. He roughly grabbed Remus by the shoulder and turned him around to where Remus was looking at Sirius who was hovering over him with a scowl on his face. "Hey-"

"Remus it's been months, all you do is sleep and not eat and copy James' homework, you don't even read anymore, of course we're worried about you, I don't know what is going on, whether its a werewolf thing or what but you need to tell us right now so we can do something about it, all you're doing is making yourself and us miserable." Sirius said, he didn't raise his voice but Remus felt as though he was being screamed at by his mother. Remus looked down. Guilt was overwhelming now. Remus wondered if he'd ever felt any emotion even a quarter as much as he felt guilty. Remus sat up a bit straighter, Sirius didn't back up.

"It's something with the full moon, they've been harder than usual, I feel worse after and before them than I ever have and sometimes the wolf gets so angry that I pass out after turning back, I don't know why they are so bad they just are," Remus looked off to the side avoiding either of his friends' eye contact. Sirius' eyebrows furrowed. 

"Is that why you've been getting more scars recently?" Remus wanted to cry, Sirius had noticed him getting more disgusting scars all over his body? God what did he think?

"Probably,"

"Do you like get into fights during the full moon with other creatures or something? Or do you like bump into stuff? How do you get so hurt?" They had never really talked about the specifics of what is was like to be a werewolf. Remus didn't really bring it up in any serious compacity ever and the rest of them followed his lead on the subject. Sure they had read books but most of the books on werewolves were simply about how to kill them or how to tell if someone was one. Remus burned in shame.

"When I have nothing to attack as a wolf I start to scratch myself," Remus said quietly wanting to fall into the ground. This was humiliating. James' eyes widened.

"Y-you gave yourself all those s-scars? As a werewolf?" Remus shook his head.

"No, some of them are from when I got turned, but most of them are from myself," James had been holding Remus' hand without Remus noticing but as Remus said this he absent mindedly ran his fingers along one of the scars on Remus' hand. Remus looked down in panic and hastily pulled his hand out of James' grip, trying to be as casual as possible. James wasn't fooled and looked away guiltily.

"Have you told Madame Pomfrey?" Sirius asked.

"No," Sirius' gaze hardened again. 

"Okay well let's go tell her right now," He grabbed Remus by the arm and hefted him up, manhandling him all the way down to the hospital wing. 


End file.
